Why are narcissists the way they are?
Put simply, they hate themselves...
Because deep down inside there is something that they secretly hate about themselves…
Because they are unhealed.
They are wounded and they hate the fact that they are wounded so they inflict their pain onto you as a way of making them feel better.
This pain almost always stems from and forms during the early years of childhood or from a traumatic upbringing,
Sometimes this is in fact caused by a narcissistic parent resulting in generational narcissism.
A narcissist can’t stand to feel their pain.
They can’t stand who they really are.
So they create a false persona.
The thought of who they really are being exposed is something that is so unbearable to them.
They can’t stand to be exposed as the person they really are or to be held accountable for their behaviour.
They will greet any accusation or confrontation with anger and hostility.
They will see it as an attack on the fake character that they have created.
Because their real character is someone who lacks morals and values.
But they’ve convinced themselves through their false and distorted reality that they are a good person.
That they can do no wrong and that everything is everyone else’s fault.
They have convinced themselves that they are entitled to whatever they please and to act however they please.
They have convinced themselves that they are pure, and perfect.
It's a false reality where they can find escapism from the person who’s buried deep inside that they hate so much.
So when you speak the truth about them and you expose who they really are, they don’t like it.
They will deflect and shift the blame back onto you.
They will create false accusations and stories to confuse you and to have you questioning your own reality.
They will create as much fear, anxiety, and confusion for you as possible, so that they can manipulate and gaslight you into apologising to them.
Because when you do, it validates their fake reality.
And it punishes you enough so that you’re too scared to ever bring it up again.
Narcissists hate themselves and because they don’t have any self-love for their REAL character, they inflict pain on those that love them the most.
Because the only thing that will take their pain away, is seeing pain in someone else.
A narcissist can heal, and they can change.
But they have to REALLY want to.
Because there is SO MUCH deep work to be done.
But most narcissists won't allow their ego to go there.
Because taking accountability is just not something that is in their nature...
~ Mark