When we remember people or places from our past, we always remember them as they were, and as we knew them then.
We’ll sometimes think back and remember a past relationship, or remember someone we once knew.
Maybe they’re fond memories, maybe they’re not…
Either way, we’re only really remembering who they were then.
Not who they are now…
We don’t know who they are now.
We can only make assumptions.
Just like they will do the same for you…
Their perception of you is held in their mind as a memory of who you used to be.
Your old self from yesterday is now a permanent fixture in their mind and memory.
Forever frozen in time in their mind.
Even though that may not be the person you are anymore.
Because things change people, experiences change people, and people change people.
Often after a relationship ends, especially if it was a relationship with a level of toxicity; people often tend to take the time to really work on themselves, and reflect on how things could have been different.
Sometimes people do a lot of really deep work on themselves.
We do this as part of the healing process, but also to become better ourselves, and to become the best version of ourselves that we can be.
Because we recognise that whenever something doesn’t work with someone else, there is ALWAYS responsibility on both sides where things could have been better.
So we want to become better, so that the next time is better.
Once you’ve been through something like this, you can never be exactly the same person as who we once were, that person as you were then is gone now…
But we can allow ourselves to embrace what has happened in our past and use it to make us better, stronger, and more resilient than before.
When you do this deep work, you’re naturally going to think about the other person in the equation too, and you’re going to wonder how they’re doing.
This is normal, and it’s okay to allow your mind to go there.
If the breakup of the relationship was amicable then there’s a genuine hope they’re doing well for themselves.
If the breakup was due to something more painful, maybe there’s a hope that they themselves are able to do the deep work that they need to do, so that they can become better for themselves and their future…
You’ll also wonder if they’re thinking the same about you, and they do…
But again, both parties only ever remember the person who they knew then, and they base all of their present thoughts and assumptions around something that now resides in the history books.
There is almost a sense of sadness in this because someone who was once so important to us will now never know who we became…
They will always remember you as the way you were.
There’s a sense of sadness because you know how hard you’ve worked on yourself to become better, but they’ll never know the new and improved version of you.
But I guess in some ways, that thought can also be enough to make a mental departure from something that maybe you’re still holding onto.
Maybe that’s what you need to realise in order to completely let go…
Because maybe you’re both two completely different people now, and maybe the new versions of yourselves aren’t compatible with one another now anyway…
Or maybe you’ve worked on yourself so much that you’ve just now outgrown them.
People change, you change; and the new version of you no longer fits into the spaces where you used to reside.
So as you grow, change, evolve, and you become better, stronger, and more resilient; remember to look forward.
Because even though your past and the people from your past may have been responsible for who you are today, it’s just not where you belong anymore…
~ Mark