Just because someone wanted to negate the truth and replaced it with lies, it’s not a reflection of you or your value.
Just because someone wanted to suppress and negate how you really felt, it’s not a reflection of your worth.
Because how you felt was real!
No matter how much anyone tries to diminish you or belittle you or your emotions, it’s important that you validate it.
That you validate how you feel and felt, and that you allow yourself to heal from it.
Like many of you, I’ve faced this very scenario myself.
I know what it’s like to have someone who you cared about so much, and who you loved so much, just turn around and completely negate how you feel.
I know what it’s like when they don’t care how disrespectful they are, or how disrespectful their behaviours are.
I know what it’s like to have to find the strength and courage to finally take a stand for yourself against their disrespect, abuse and neglect that they wanted to negate.
I know what it’s like when that person becomes so deceptive and their behaviour so disgusting that they then make up their own story of complete lies about you just because they didn’t want to face the reality of the truth…
Not only did they completely manipulate the truth, but they also manipulated every single person in their life into believing their lies because they wouldn’t take accountability for their behaviours and what they did!
The scary part is that they’re so good at what they do that no one can tell.
Just like you and I couldn’t tell to begin with either…
Every single time I tried to explain what the person in my life did and how they made me feel; how I felt was completely negated, brushed aside; my feelings didn’t matter at all to them.
It wasn’t until later on that I realised the full extent of what this person was really hiding all along, and what their plans for me really were, because they were a master manipulator…
Their presence in my life tore down and destroyed almost everything that took me two decades to build.
They impacted my mental health and eventually parts of my physical health as well.
They would continually test my boundaries.
They deliberately and consistently did things to betray my trust all the time, even when they knew that what they were doing would break my trust.
Then they would be deliberately dishonest and lie about it to my face time and time again.
They weren’t just deceptive.
They weren’t just manipulative.
They didn’t just deflect, blame-shift, lie, and run from taking accountability.
They made me feel incredibly unsafe.
They were cruel, they were dismissive, they even lied to their own mother about the way that things really were, and what really took place.
Their story became nothing more than lies, there was no truth left…
It led to a total destruction of my self-worth.
The truth is, I didn’t want to validate any of this because I didn’t want to believe that any of it was real, but as more and more time went on, more and more evidence and facts about what they did started to come out of the woodwork.
The truth that they kept hidden from me started to unravel, and it became impossible to ignore.
The only way that you’re going to heal is by acknowledging the truth, and by validating all of your emotions that went unvalidated and became suppressed.
You can’t convince someone to love you the way you deserve to be loved.
You can’t convince someone to give you the basics, or for them to make you a priority in their life.
You can’t make someone listen to how you really feel, because for them to do that they’d actually have to be a genuinely empathetic person, not just someone who says they are because they know that’s what you want to hear.
You can’t make someone respect your boundaries if they won’t, and you can’t make someone value something that’s so important as trust.
But most of all, you can’t make someone want to do the right thing…
When someone shows you who they really are, acknowledge who they really are.
Give that validation to yourself.
Because it doesn’t matter what lies they want to tell themselves, or what they want to tell others; what matters is what they do and what they actually did!
Because that was responsible for how you really felt!
Your self-worth and self-esteem are two of the most valuable things you have.
And when you suppress how you feel, when you bury the truth because you’re fighting against everyone believing the lies, and when you continue to tolerate their disrespect, their manipulation, and their abuse;
you only end up disrespecting yourself.
You know what the truth is because you know what really happened, you were there, you lived it!
So validate it!
Don’t allow someone who doesn’t have a decent bone in their body to try and take the truth or how you really felt away from you, no matter what they want to choose to do.
Because in doing so, they’re taking away your ability to be able to heal properly.
And even though they caused untold damage with their lies and they refused to acknowledge how you felt, or take any accountability for it, they don’t get to decide how you heal from what they left you with!
Healing is acknowledging the truth, how you really felt, and understanding that it’s okay to let out what someone else tried to keep suppressed within you for so long.
Because you can’t heal if you don’t acknowledge how you really feel…
Much love,
~ Mark Smith