Reactive abuse happens in most narcissistic relationships.
It’s one of the most toxic and manipulative forms of behaviour that a narcissist can unleash on their victim.
I’ve had this happen to me, and I know many others who have had this happen to them.
But most people aren’t aware of what it is, or how it happens; and the concept of it can be confusing to those who are not aware of it.
It is NOT abuse from the victim, rather it’s an abuse strategy used by the abuser.
Reactive abuse is when an abused partner in a relationship can no longer take the abuse anymore and strikes back usually verbally, or emotionally as a self-defence coping mechanism.
Abusers can manipulate their partner enough to trigger an out of character behaviour that is effectively a fight, flight, or a freeze response.
Reactive abuse is usually noticeable because a persons behaviour and actions are uncharacteristic of who they usually are.
They don’t recognise the person they briefly became, and they will tell you that they were not themselves in that moment.
They feel shame, guilt, and remorse afterwards, and are truly apologetic for their reaction.
This reaction slowly builds up over time with the victim tolerating abuse, manipulation, and toxic behaviours from their abuser.
When constant attempts to appease their partner, or to discuss how they’re feeling with their partner doesn’t work, it can result in an explosive reaction usually involving yelling, screaming, fighting back, and the victim defending themselves.
It’s the victim finally finding the courage to take a stand for themselves and say enough is enough, and I can’t take it anymore.
This is known as reactive abuse, and the abuser relies on it.
As I mentioned earlier, reactive abuse is NOT abuse from the victim, it’s a strategy that the REAL abuser uses.
Reactive abuse is part of the real abusers plan, because they’ll then use this one off reaction to portray the victim as the abuser, so that they can then switch roles and play the victim whilst avoiding all accountability.
Reactive abuse is a manipulative power play specifically designed to negate, avoid, and deny the ownership of abuse, and often results in the wrong person being blamed and accused of things they have not done, when in reality the real abuser gets away with it through their lies, deception, and continued manipulation…
This is such a manipulative strategy by a very narcissistic person in order to not allow who they really are to be revealed to everyone else, so they can continue their manipulation and abuse.
There would not be too many other behaviours that are more manipulative than this.
Not everything is what it seems, and not everyone is who they pretend to be…
~ Mark Smith