There is so much grief after narcissistic abuse…
You grieve the relationship you thought you had.
You grieve the person you thought they were.
You grieve the future that you imagined together that you now don’t get to have.
You grieve the fact that the past wasn’t what you thought it was.
You grieve the fact that even though they pretended to be someone that they weren’t, you still felt the deepest love for the character they played.
But you’re also grieving for the person that you once were, as well as the sadness of trying to come to terms with the person that you’ve become.
You’re grieving the fact that you lost everything for this person.
Not only did you lose yourself but you lost your your psychical health, your mental health, your finances, your friends and family, assets, maybe even your job or career for them, and sometimes your ability to even rebuild from the rubble they left you in.
You’re grieving because you lost so much more that just the relationship.
Not only do you have to try and rebuild your life, but you now need to try and rebuild yourself, because the person you were before you met the narcissist is gone and they’re never coming back.
You can’t heal from that amount of grief quickly.
So when people ask you “aren’t you over them yet” or “I can’t understand why you can’t just let go”; tell them that you’re glad that they can’t understand and to just be grateful that they don’t.
Sometimes healing can feel like you’re wandering in the dark all alone, because very few people know what it’s like.
And the truth is that for some it takes years to heal, and years for the anger to subside.
But you will heal, and you will feel whole again; so be patient with yourself and give yourself all the time you need.
You are grieving, and grief needs compassion and love from the most important person that’s ever going to be in your life, YOU!
It’s not going to feel like this forever, and those cracks that you think are the broken pieces, will allow the light back in…
Sending much love and healing.
~ Mark Smith