I was asked yesterday what my thoughts were on whether or not someone should try to get back together with their ex and try and make their relationship work a second time around.
I will say that I'm not a huge believer in trying to win your ex back or giving a relationship that didn't work a second chance.
Certainly there are absolutely instances where it can work and can become a very beautiful relationship.
But for that to happen BOTH people in the relationship have to put the work in, and unfortunately it very rarely works out this way.
If a relationship didn’t work to begin with, it’s because there were fundamental problems within the relationship.
Unless those problems are properly acknowledged, worked on, and fixed; the relationship will eventually breakdown again.
When two people reunite, they often think that things can just go back to how they were before, during the happier times.
Sadly, that’s not the case.
Because it’s really a brand new relationship because there are now different aspects to the relationship that weren’t there before.
Unsurprisingly the biggest reasons for relationship breakdowns is from a lack of the foundational basics in a relationship.
Quality time together, communication, trust, and respect.
Sometimes the reasons behind why these were missing in the first place isn’t so much to do with the relationship itself, it’s because one person doesn’t hold the same VALUES around these things in the same way that the other person does.
And that’s more about someone’s personality and who they are.
For a relationship to work; you have to first like someone’s personality, you have to respect their values, and you have to genuinely want to help them grow and achieve their goals.
When this works both ways, you both grow together.
But most people won’t change who they are for another person.
And maybe they shouldn’t...
Maybe they’re better off finding someone else who is a better and more compatible match for them.
Otherwise what happens is, one person ends up giving and committing a lot more than the other.
One person expects the other person to change, but they themselves aren’t prepared to change.
Both people have to be equally committed in understanding the problems, openly and constructively discussing the problems, and fixing the problems.
The next time you’re considering re-entering a relationship ask yourself;
Do our values align and do I respect the other persons values?
Is there enough genuine respect and trust still remaining to build a new relationship on?
Am I willing to take full accountability?
Am I willing to make the changes that I need to make in order to make the relationship work?
Do I trust the other person to do the same?
If both people are able to HONESTLY answer yes to ALL those questions then you might just have something that could turn into something beautiful and special.
If not; save yourself the heartache, save yourself the lost time that you can't get back, and move on.
Find someone else who is more compatible with who you are, what you value, and what you want.
Because the goal isn’t to get back together with someone again, it’s to STAY together with someone…
~ Mark