When someone hurts you badly enough, you start looking at everything you gave them differently.
The time you spent with them, and the years you gave them feel wasted.
There’s a feeling of embarrassment for the amount of love you gave.
You cringe at all of the things you tolerated that you know you wouldn't tolerate today.
You feel like your effort, the trust you gave, your commitment to them, and your loyalty were all taken for granted.
And you start wishing that you could just take it all back, because they showed you in the cruelest of ways that they didn’t deserve any of it.
But the obvious truth is, you can’t; and honestly, you don't need to.
Let them have the love you gave them.
Let them have the memories.
Let them have every single moment when you showed up for them, believed in them, forgave them, or chose them when you had every reason not to.
You don't have to pretend you didn't love them as much as you did just because you eventually learned they weren't who you thought they were.
You loved them with the understanding you had at the time, and you loved them in the way that you did because that’s the sort of person you are, and that’s what makes you beautiful.
It's very easy after being hurt to look backwards with everything you know now and wonder how you could possibly have been so blind.
But don't do that to yourself, because you weren't loving them with today's knowledge; you were loving them before you knew what you know now.
And yes, maybe they took advantage of you and your love.
Maybe they took your loyalty for granted.
Maybe they broke your trust in ways that no one else had.
Maybe they became comfortable knowing you'd keep giving them second chances.
And maybe you gave them things they didn’t deserve.
But you don't need to continue punishing yourself for that.
Your love to them was beautiful because it came from inside of you, and the love you gave is a reflection of the beautiful person that you are.
Your love doesn't become worthless because it was wasted on someone.
The fact that they couldn't appreciate it doesn't mean there was something wrong with the way you loved; it means you gave something genuine to someone who wasn't capable of treating it with respect.
So let them keep the love and memories that you gave to them.
Let them remember that someone once loved them with the type of loyalty and commitment that is rare to find.
You don't need an apology from them to make that love mean something.
You don't need them to admit what they lost.
And you don't need to punish yourself or feel ashamed for having given so much.
The way you loved them showed you exactly how deeply you are capable of loving, and now you get to decide that the next person who receives that kind of love will have to be someone who knows how to hold you.
What’s important now is not the love that you gave them, but rather the love that you still have left to give.
~ Mark Smith
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