I know many of you will be able to relate to this because you have your own stories, some of them of which I've heard.
You have your own truth to speak about, that was once suppressed and negated.
But that truth and what happened to you is real.
And it's important that you validate it, you validate how you feel, and you learn and grow from it.
I thought I'd share with you some of the lessons I've personally learnt.
I know what this is like, because it unfortunately happened it me.
And everything that I felt was completely negated...
I didn't even realise the full extent of the abuse or the damage caused until much later on.
A master manipulator entered my life and managed to tear down and destroy almost everything that took me two decades to build.
The person they pretended to be was not real, and they brought with them the most severe storms instead of the sunshine they led me to believe.
Their presence in my life impacted my mental health at the time which eventually led to a decline in my physical health as well.
They would continually test my boundaries.
They deliberately and consistently did things to betray my trust.
They made me feel unsafe.
They were deceptive.
They were deflective.
They blame shifted, and scape goated.
And they were highly and dangerously manipulative.
They were nasty about the way they went about things, and they were cruel...
They even lied to their own Mother about how things really were.
They never spoke the part of the truth that made them look bad.
But it's so important to not allow ourselves to be forever haunted by this type of neglect or abuse.
You have to move forward; leave behind what no longer serves you, but take the lessons learnt with you.
Here's a few lessons that I've learnt along the way.
It’s okay to look back, but it will make you sad; so don’t stare.
You can’t make someone want to do the right thing.
You can’t convince someone to love you the way you deserve to be loved.
You can’t convince someone to give you the basics, it’s better to let them show you what you mean to them.
You can’t convince someone to make you a priority in their life, but you can choose what you’re prepared to tolerate and not tolerate.
You can’t make someone listen to your truth or how you truly feel, because they have to be empathetic to be able to do that in the first place.
If someone won’t respect your boundaries, they don’t respect you period!
If someone has a problem with your boundaries, they aren’t in your life for the right reasons anyway.
Don’t sacrifice your own morals and values for someone who doesn’t have decent morals and values.
When someone shows you their true character, don’t try to cast them as a different character; because they’ve just shown you exactly who they really are.
Amber Heard syndrome is real.
It doesn’t matter what someone says, it’s their actions that show you what you really mean to them.
Someone who wants to deflect and blame shift is already hiding multiple other things from you.
Someone who is a manipulator, won't take accountability for things they've done, and negates how you feel is someone who is unhealed themselves.
Being unhappy in a relationship doesn't just affect your mental health, it’s physical too.
Don't ignore the red flags that show up early on, because they'll be the reason things end later on.
Don't ignore someone's toxic behaviours, they'll only get worse over time because they know you'll tolerate it.
You can't communicate with someone who's not emotionally mature or emotionally intelligent, it's like talking to a brick wall.
If someone doesn't care about you or care about the way they make you feel, it's not your job to convince them to care.
Your self-worth and self-esteem are the most valuable things you have, so don't let anyone take it from you.
As you're healing remember that there are always more good things than bad things in your life, ALWAYS!
Remaining angry only hurts you in the end, because they don’t even know that you’re angry at them, and if they did they wouldn't care anyway.
Your truth matters, so validate it!
The people in your life who matter, will always take the time to listen, understand, and believe your truth; they know who you are.
In the end the only obvious answer is to leave it all behind you, and move on no matter how painful it is.
Because you can’t allow someone to continue making you feel badly about yourself, because they feel bad about themselves.
~ Mark