When we remember people or places from our past, we always remember them as they were, and as we knew them then.
We’ll sometimes think back and remember a past relationship, or remember someone we used to know.
Maybe they’re fond memories, or maybe they’re not…
Either way, we’re only really remembering who they were then.
Not who they are now...
We don't know who they are now.
We can only make assumptions.
Just like they do the same for you…
Their memory of you as a person is held as a memory of who you used to be.
Your old self is now a permanent fixture in their mind and memory.
We remain forever frozen in time in their mind.
Even though that's no longer the person you are.
But that’s all it is; it’s a memory of something that's now in the past…
Because things change people, experiences change people, and people change people.
Often after a relationship ends, especially if it was a relationship with a level of toxicity; people often tend to take the time to really work on themselves, and reflect on how things could have been different.
Sometimes people do a lot of really deep work on themselves.
We do this as part of the healing process, but also to become better ourselves, and to become the best version of ourselves that we can be.
Because we recognise that whenever something doesn't work with someone else, there is ALWAYS things on both sides that could have been better.
So we want to become better, so that the next time we are better.
We can never be exactly the same person as who we once were, but we can allow ourselves to embrace what has happened in our past and use it to make us better, stronger, and more resilient than before.
We also often wonder how someone we used to know is doing.
If the breakup of the relationship was amicable then we genuinely hope they’re doing well for themselves.
If the breakup was due to something more painful, we might instead hope that they are able to do the deep work on themselves, to become better for themselves…
We wonder if they think the same about us, and they do.
But again, both parties only ever remember the person who they knew, and base all of their present thoughts and assumptions around that, something that now resides in the history books.
There is almost a sense of sadness in this because someone who was once so important to us will now never know who we became...
They will always remember you as the way you were.
There's a sense of sadness because you know how hard you've worked on yourself to become better, but they'll never know the new and improved version of you.
But I guess in some ways, that thought can also be enough to make a mental departure from something that maybe you’re still holding onto.
Maybe that's what you need to realise in order to completely let go...
Because maybe you're both two completely different people now, and maybe the new versions of yourselves aren't compatible with one another now anyway...
Or maybe you've just now simply outgrown them.
People change, they’ve changed for better or for worse, and you’ve changed…
The new version of you no longer fits into the spaces where you used to reside.
So as you grow, change, and you become better; remember to look forward.
Because even though your past and the people from your past may have been responsible for who you are today, it’s not where you belong anymore…
~ Mark