You're angry...
In fact you're so angry it's the most angry you've ever been.
It's intense, it's vengeful, so much that it even scares you, because you've never felt this level of anger before and you're afraid of what you might do with it...
You want justice for what they did...
You want them to feel some of the pain that you feel.
Contrary to popular believe, experiencing anger towards an ex who hurt you or did the wrong thing by you, in itself is not actually a bad thing.
It's not something that you should try and bury or feel ashamed of.
Because it's you feeling the emotions that you need to feel in order to heal.
It's what you do with that anger that matters most.
I know some of you are reading this and all you can think about is the fact that you want revenge, and maybe it's warranted, but revenge won't give you back what they took from you.
What you need to understand is that your anger is actually covering up something else that's buried deep down inside of you.
Because anger is a secondary emotion...
What you’re really angry about isn't so much the fact that you're no longer together; that's sadness.
Your anger stems from the fact that this person who was in your life has left you with suppressed and invalidated emotions.
Emotions such as fear, rejection, abandonment, emotional abandonment, betrayal, sadness, vulnerability, inadequacy, and more.
You’re angry because your emotions were invalidated by this person.
You weren’t allowed to express how you felt openly without a reaction from them.
You weren't allowed to feel hurt because they then just made it all your fault anyway.
This is what you're really angry about.
You're angry about the fact that they hurt you and they've invalidated it by showing you that they don't care....
But the truth is; it's your anger that actually continues to tie you to them.
You feel angry because THEY didn’t value who you were.
You feel angry because THEY wouldn’t show they cared.
You feel angry because THEY wouldn’t give you the basics such as time together, affection, and emotionally mature communication.
You feel angry because THEY stole years of your life, your love, and your ability to be able to openly trust someone again.
You feel angry because THEY broke parts of you and now you’re watching them move on only to repeat the same cycle with the new people they’ve now found, who are completely unaware of who this person really is.
While you’re stuck here suffering in a world of pain that they created that seems to never end.
The truth is, a narcissistic person or a toxic person wants you to remain angry long after you’ve parted ways.
It’s a way for them to still exert their power over you and continue to control you.
They like the fact that you’re angry, but they don’t care about YOU.
The hard reality is, that you need to break out of this pattern, because you’re focusing on something that cannot, and will not be changed.
You aren’t responsible for their bad behaviour towards you or what they've chosen to do, but you are responsible for your own healing.
The only way that you're going to be able to release the anger and take back your power is to start rebuilding yourself again and build a new life that's so amazing that you don't even feel the need to look at the pain anymore.
You have to start the process of rewiring yourself, rewiring your thoughts, and rewiring your life.
Because the longer you're tied to them through your anger, the longer you’re going to keep staring at what they did to you which will only continue to feed your anger.
No, this isn't going to stop the pain straight away.
No, it's not going to stop you from feeling sad or angry straight away either.
Your healing journey isn’t about giant leaps, but rather small steps.
Don’t underestimate the power of consistently taking small steps every single day; no matter how insignificant they might feel.
Start doing the things that you felt you couldn’t do with them.
Start going to places that you always wanted to go to but that they wouldn't allow.
Start spending time with people who are encouraging and uplifting.
Start doing the things that are going to make you happy again, because that is the only way you're going to be able to stop feeling angry.
And remember this; their actions showed you that they don’t deserve you, so then they don’t deserve to continue to occupy your mind or your thoughts either.
~ Mark Smith