What do you do once trust has been eroded in your relationship?
Can you even get it back?
If you’ve read some of my earlier posts, you will know that I discovered that I had been in a relationship with someone who I came to understand was a covert narcissist; unfortunately for me, I came to this realisation far too late.
I came to the realisation once so much damage had already been done.
If I’m being honest, it was the unhappiest three and half years of my entire life.
Looking back, I never felt safe in my relationship; because my partner would consistently do things to betray my trust which made me feel unsafe.
I would bring up these things time and time again, but there was never any apology, never any accountability, never any willingness to constructively and maturely discuss it, and all they wanted to do was to deflect blame onto me and onto everyone else.
It felt like I was always swimming against the tide.
Even after the relationship had ended; the lies, the deception, and who they really were just kept coming to the surface.
I was continuously learning of things that I was previously unaware of.
Broken trust can come in many forms, but it’s always unwelcome.
So what do you do?
You have to be really honest with yourself and ask yourself; is this person willing to change?
You have to be really honest and ask yourself; is this person being respectful towards me?
Are they taking the time to really listen to me and to understand what I'm saying?
Is this person taking accountability for what they’ve done?
Is this person genuinely trying their best to work on themselves and become better?
In my case, the very clear answer to all these questions was a resounding NO.
There was no change at all in the things that had damaged and destroyed the trust to begin with. If anything, it just continued to get worse over time.
I was left having to beg for the basics, and I was continually left to feel completely alone.
Once you've established the answers to those questions, you then have to be even more honest and ask yourself;
Am I also willing to look at myself constructively, and do I need to change anything?
Am I genuinely trying my best, and am I trying to make things better?
Without trust, a relationship won’t survive.
It is absolutely possible to restore trust in a relationship, but it requires a lot of work and commitment from BOTH sides, not just one.
If you’re finding yourself in a situation where you’re wondering if the trust can be restored in your relationship, start by asking yourself these questions.
They might just give you the answer you’re looking for…
Remember, it’s always going to be painful to lose someone that you love; but it’s more painful to continue to put up with their disrespect.
~ Mark